Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Li-Young Lee: Assignment #6



Click here for a link to Li-Young Lee's page on the Poetry Foundation website, and here for a brief reading and interview.

Your homework was to read "Have You Prayed" and "Virtues of the Boring Husband." Please answer, in a minimum of 500 words, one of the following prompts:

1)In terms of voice (think about diction, syntax, tone) which poet that we've read in class (or that you've read outside of class!) does Li-Young Lee most remind you of? In your answer, compare either "Have You Prayed" or "Virtues of the Boring Husband" to a specific poem by this other poet.

2)Discuss, citing specific lines from the text, the relationship you sense between the speaker and his father in "Have You Prayed." How does the father-son relationship connect to the italicized questions in the poem?

3)The speaker in "Virtues of the Boring Husband" considers himself -- well -- virtuous and boring. Based on his philosophical pillow-talk, what are his virtues? You might start by tracing love's logic in the poem (What is the speaker figuring out? Why? What conclusions, if any, does he reach?)


Finally, in addition, at the end of your response, please post one question you'd like to ask Li-Young Lee tomorrow in class.

He'll also be giving a reading at Augie Thursday night .

27 comments:

  1. The poem “Have You Prayed” by Li-Young, I think compares to Mark Jarman unholy sonnets. The reason I think Li-young poem compares to Jarman is because in Li-Young poem it talks about the wind asking him something in his fathers voice. The wind also keeps asking him different questions. The poem ends with him saying “And me talking to no one.” This last line is the line that made me think of Mark Jarman unholy sonnets. The unholy sonnets that I am talking about is the one that talks about a person being asleep and then he feels a sudden pleasure come over him. He was then wide awake feeling this thing over him and then he heard a door knob twist and a drawer pulled. He suddenly had overwhelming joy and then he said thanks. He could not recall why he said it. The reason Li-Young poem reminded me of this poem is because it seemed like in Li-Young poem the son was talking to no one like a spirit or something and in the end no one was there and in Jarman poem the person is also talking to a spirit and feels like someone is there. Both of the poems compare to me, by both having people that talk to things that aren’t even there. Also another reason they compare is by in Li-Young poem the wind keeps asking him have you prayed yet? Also in Jarman poem in the first line the person is asleep in prayer. So in both poems they praying or getting ready to pray.

    The relationship I sense between the speaker and his father is that the speaker likes his father and listens to what he has to say because every time the wind ask him if he has prayed yet he answers by going of and explaining something else. One reason that I think the speaker and the fathers relationship is strong is because in the fifth stanza the speaker talks about the three things he remembers and one of those things are his fathers love. This shows me that him and his father are close. I also think that the boy really loves his father, if he thinks that when he talks to the wind that is his father. The one thing that gives me second thoughts about him and his fathers relationship is in the last stanza when is say’s “ Strange. A troubled father.” This confused me because the line before that said are you happy and then it goes on to say strange. A troubled father. This tells me that something wrong but I don’t know what. The fathers and son relationship connects by them both not answering the question they were asked. The son was asked have you prayed yet? The father was asked Have you found your refuge yet and are you happy? Neither of them answered these questions. These would be two things that I see that would connect them through the italicized questions.

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  2. The relationship between a father and a son is of an infinitely intimate nature. Despite what Sigmund Freud asserts about the “Oedipus complex,” it is inherently true that fathers and sons are part of an age-old extension of affection.

    In Li-Young Lee’s ‘Have you Prayed,' within the first two stanzas it is apparent that the speaker’s father is deceased, as he is “never finished answering to the dead.” The personification of the wind signifies that the speaker’s father is everywhere; flowing in, out, and around every part of his surroundings, permeating the very air he breathes. It seems that the speaker is finding it difficult to distinguish between the voice of the wind and the voice of God. He expresses feelings of doubt, saying that the wind only sounds “like [his] father’s voice,” instead of saying that the wind is his father. He poses the question of whether or not the voice belongs to God; perhaps, he would pay the voice more attention if it mirrored his father’s.

    As the wind speaks, it begs: “have you prayed?” The speaker is at once aware of the values put forth by his father in a younger day. He recognizes the faith and the wish of prosperity inscribed upon the soul of the son by the pen of the father—be it spiritual, or blood (biological). The ink is a watchful eye of a father who has passed on; relentlessly though, he peers down through the clouds to see his son awash with the burdens of reality and fancies his son pray so that in the future they can reunite on the cloud which he now inhabits. The repetition of “have you prayed?” illustrates a father’s persistency. In life, the biological father bestows upon the son an image of what is expected. It is the son’s responsibility to identify this endowment and to capitalize on it by following after their father and surpassing his feats for the next generation of sons. In death, many believe that the heavenly father embraces the son as not only a product of a biological father, but also the byproduct of something celestial. Thereby, that son finds security in the welcoming arms of a divine father.

    The last four lines of ‘Have you Prayed’ offer a peculiar conclusion. It illustrates a certain ambiguity between the father and the son. The father, now deceased, is in some indefinite afterlife with an anxious, “troubled” mind. He is concerned as to how his son is coping, is he happy? Has he found “refuge”? It seems that in his earthly happiness, the son has opted against an answer to the questions of the wind as the speaker says the he is “talking to no one.” This alludes to the young-man partiality to independence: the “I don’t need the help of anyone else” complex.

    Albeit sons and fathers are known (I do not hesitate to say expected) to butt heads over many-a-notion, there still remains an undeniable connection that is unparalleled to that of any other relationship. Li-Young Lee’s piece strives to capture the indistinctness of this link in a matter of words.

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  3. I am choosing to respond to question number two about “Have you Prayed.” When I first read this poem, I was slightly confused with what was going on. I read through it straight, and then gathered my thoughts, then I read through it again underlining specific parts I thought might help me determine the meaning. Finally, I read the poem again after reading the prompt in order to look for specific parts concerning the father-son relationship in the poem. After reading the poem for a third time, I found that my annotations from my second reading were very similar to what I was looking for on my third reading, and I determined the meaning of the poem to be about the relationship between a deceased father and his still living son. I first noticed that the second line says “the wind/ turns,” and I wondered why the wind would turn and ask. Following this, the first thing that he knows is that “I’m never finished answering to the dead.” After I read these lines, I somewhat concluded that the relationship of the father and son was a little uneasy, because its as if the father (wind) turns around and just asks casually “Have you prayed?” This seems to me to be like the father just asking this question because he has to. The other line, “I’m never finished…” I concluded it to be meant to read as if sighing, as if the reader had never heard the end it. Next, I read into the part about the father’s love being “milk and sugar.” Lee uses the words worry and grief to talk about his father’s love for the son, and although worry can be considered to be a sign of caring for somebody, but Lee stresses that the love is only two-thirds worry, like the father has to worry about the son, and does not fully want to. These lines hint that the relationship is not very fulfilled and meaningful for the father and son. The next lines talk about “the dead and the living share” concerning the bread that is made from the father’s love. I looked that the dead and living to be two things, the dead father and the living son in real life, or the dead member and the living member of the father-son relationship. I chose to look at it with respect to their relationship, and that the father’s part was dead, and the son’s was living, because the father’s love is the bread that is being shared between the two. Continuing on in the poem, the question arises again, and Lee responds by saying that’s it’s only in his mind reminding himself to pray, and that it is not his father saying it. Therefore, the relationship between the father and son is not a very memorable. Lastly, the poem concludes with Lee talking about the father being “troubled,” which is how I know that the relationship was not a very solid one. The poem concludes with the speaker talking no one which I think refers not only to him discussing the wind talking to him, but also about his father not being there for him in real life.

    Question: What poets and other authors do you gather inspiration from when trying to write and structure your work?

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  4. I choose to read the poem “Have You Prayed.” I really enjoyed this poem; I think that it is challenging to decipher what the meaning is of the poem. I think one can determine or conclude a few different points of views after reading it. I also chose this poem because I noticed it was talking about a father and a son and I thought it would be very interesting to see what the mood or point of the poem would be.
    After reading this poem I had to take some time to back track on certain lines and to actually reread the poem a couple of times. I did not conclude what the poem meant after the first time I read it. After reading the poem it is, or at least I concluded that the father of the son is now deceased. What happened to the father is something that I could not figure out. When the italicized phrase, “Have you prayed?” appears, it’s the father communicating to his son. In the second line of the second stanza, one of the answers the son has to the question of “Have you prayed?” is “I’m never finished answering to the dead.” This answer seems to tell me that the son is never done or never will end his communication with his deceased father or perhaps other deceased loved ones that he unfortunately lost. To me the word dead used in this answer is in plural form so he not only is referring to his father. Moving down the poem to fifth stanza, the wind, or his father is addressed as something different compared to the first stanza. The first line of the fifth poem says, “When the wind turns traveler” I think this might be saying that his father is following his son wherever he goes. But although he boy is traveling, his father still asks, “Have you prayed?”. The son answers and describes his father’s love. He says in second line of the sixth stanza, “two-thirds worry, two-thirds grief, and what’s left over.” After reading this answer, I began to think the father-son relationship may have not been that strong. Maybe his father, although he loved his son, had issues of his own that he was more worried about rather than taking care or being with his son. The last part of the answer, “and what’s left over” seems to be a rather unhappy or disappointed emotion the son is having about his father. I feel the relationship was not strong because there is more evidence of this towards the end of the poem. In the tenth and final stanza the “wind” asks the son the question it has been consistently asking. The son’s response is rather sad, he is saying “I know it’s only me reminding myself a flower is one station between earth’s wish and earth’s rapture.” I take this as a statement of sadness and disappointment. But the last question to the son in the poem and the answer itself is how I came to the conclusion of what I thought of the relationship. The wind asks, “Have you found our refuge yet?” asking, “are you happy?” The answer is, “Strange. A troubled father. A happy son. The wind with a voice. And me talking to no one.” It seems the father is curious to see how his son is doing now whereas before when his son was younger he did not care. The boy is happy now, but the father is still troubled because now his son feels he is talking to no one.
    Some questions to ask Li are: When did you first realize that writing poems was your passion?

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  5. Prompt 2
    In the poem “Have you prayed”, I get this sense that the father and son’s relationship is one in which the father wants the son to do well and to be grateful for everything that he has the opportunity to have. When the poem states, “When the wind turns traveler and asks, in my father’s voice, Have you prayed yet?” I get this feeling that maybe the father was a person who traveled and was not around all that much because his job was so demanding. When the father is asking him if he has prayed, he is making sure that maybe, while he is busy in his travels his son is still praying for all life has to offer him.
    Another part of the poem that grabs my attention about the father-son relationship is when it says “I remember three things. One: A father’s love is milk and sugar, two-thirds worry, two-thirds grief…” For me it seems like this father son relationship is not a very secure one because Li-Young Lee seems to make their relationship sound like a recipe for disaster. The father is always worrying about his son and that he will be safe and then on the other hand he has this great amount of grief because he most likely can or could not be there for him. Finally towards the end of the poem, Li-Young Lee writes as if the father is asking the son if he has found refuge yet and if he is happy. I think here, the father realized that his son was lying to him about praying and he is asking if his son is happy for what he did. Also the lines, “a flower is one station between earth’s wish and earth’s rapture…” seem to me that this relationship between the son and his father could be taken away at any time so they must love each other and be grateful for each other as long as they have the time to spend with each other.
    I feel the father-son relationship in this poem is one in which the father did not want his son to make the same mistakes that he had and the father wanted his son to be grateful and to pray for the time they could spend together and everything they had. The last two lines in the poem read “Strange. A troubled father. A happy son. The wind with a voice. And me talking to no one. His father is obviously asking his son if he has prayed because his father has had a troubled past and he wants his son to be free of this. I also think the last sentence is very important because the son is there not having anyone to talk to and when the father kept asking him if he had prayed yet, he was hinting that since there was no one to talk to, if he was praying he would be able to have a friend and talk to God.
    After doing some research I really learned to like this poem because Li-Young Lee’s father had been a very religious Christian and a physician to Communist leader Mao Tse-Tung. His family later fled China for Indonesia. While in Indonesia, Li-Young Lee’s father was a political prisoner of Indonesian President Kusno Sosrodihardjo for a year. This allows the poem to make more sense because his father was gone for a year of his sons’ life and he always wanted Li-Young Lee to pray because that was the best way to get past ones troubles. Li-Young Lee’s father had taught him to say thank you for every breath he took, and good bye every time he exhaled. I feel this taught Le-Young to take every breath if it was his last. In terms of the poem itself, Li-Young’s father would ask him if he had prayed and in turn he would lie to him and say yes. Li-Young said he never really felt guilty until a couple months before he wrote the poem and at that time his father had been dead for more than twenty years. All of the sudden there was this huge onrush of guilt and that’s why he wrote the poem because he felt so guilty about it. The background information allows one to put into context just how important praying really was to his father because of his troubled past and I think knowing this allowed me to get a deeper meaning about how much Li-Young Lee’s father cared about him and his future.

    Question: What led to the sudden guilt about not praying after such a long time had passed?

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  6. The poem “Have You Prayed” by Li-Young Lee describes the complex relationship between a father and his son. It can be drawn from certain clues in the poem (though it is not made explicit) that the speaker’s father has passed away. The father’s questions are voiced in the form of the wind, with the speaker explaining that he’s “never finished answering questions to the dead.”
    The questions asked by the speaker indicate that his father was very concerned about his son. Over and over, the wind asks the speaker in his father’s voice “Have you prayed?” The speaker himself describes “a father’s love” as being a mixture of “two-thirds worry” and “two thirds grief.” It bears noting that adding two-thirds to two-thirds already yields more than a whole, which might suggest that the role of father seems to be too difficult of a burden for one person to bear. Even still, the speaker suggests that his father was up to the task and then some, having enough love left to be “trimmed and leavened to make the bread the dead and the living share.” Enduring this process, says the speaker, is true patience.
    It can also be drawn that the speaker’s father was a wise man. This is clearly illustrated by the line “Wisdom? That’s my father’s face in sleep.” This lends me the impression that the speaker respected his father’s advice. However, I suspect that the son didn’t always agree with his father’s advice. Perhaps I am only seeing this because a part of me places Li-Young Lee in the speaker’s shoes, but it appears to me that there was conflict between the father and the son over what the son wanted to do with his life. Perhaps the father was worried that his son wouldn’t be able to make it in the world as a poet, which is not a profession that’s well known for its financial sustainability. This could explain the father’s questions, “Have you found refuge there yet?” and “Are you happy?” The son indeed answers this second question later by describing himself as “a happy son.”
    However, I suppose this situation could be viewed from another light. It seems equally plausible that the father was supportive of his son’s career and was only worried that the world wouldn’t be able to recognize his potential. Perhaps the son hears his father’s voice in the wind as a way of wishing that his parent could still be alive so that he could rest knowing that everything worked out in the end.
    Of course, this is only my interpretation. The ambiguity of the poem’s meaning allows the reader to make sense of it in whatever way he or she pleases.
    Regardless of the relationship shared between the father and son, the son seems to believe that his father and fathers in general have a great impact on their children. Early in the poem, he describes a man as being made up of “four winds and three fires.” One of these fires is the voice of a father, while another is the voice of a mother. Mysteriously, Lee never reveals the identity of the other two voices.


    Overall, the poem is touching in its examination of the complexities of the bond between parent and child.

    The computer I was working on didn’t have a functional flash player, and I didn’t have a chance to view the reading at the time I wrote this. This said, I hope that my question was not clarified within it.

    Question: What poets have had the greatest influence on your work, and in what ways?

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  7. I think Lee's poem "Have you prayed" is a deep and spectacular written poem. The imagery within it is undescribable. This poem was so hard to understand in my own personal opinion, but maybe I hit it right on the head.

    The second stanza seems to start the poem in my eyes the line when it says, "I'm never finished answering the dead". To me that shows me that the narrator is upset at something that the dead has spoken when they were alive(his father). Maybe he was abused by his father and is now happy that his father is dead and gone in that sense. Now in the third and fourth stanza's it seems to show another point in that the narrator's father was an asshole to him in some way. By saying that his father is the wind instead of saying he is the fire is kind of saying that he has died out and doesnt stay a long time like a fire would. Maybe that his father only had the wind aspect during his life. Now in the sixth and seventh stanzas he seems to say that a father's love is supposed to be all these things that are good and caring like maybe this is what his father should of done or how he should of treated him. Thhen he seems to move more negative by saying his father's patience was to endure the leavening and kneading which are womanly traits again. During these stanzas he seems to explain his father in a virtuous aspect of life in general. Stanzas 10-13 were very confusing to the whole poem and my outtake personally. The only thing I could think of was maybe the narratr remembering the first good image after his father died. He speaks about how flower are important maybe in his revolt or resolution of his father. The last stanza kind of throws together that his father might be upset at what his son did or how his life is going somehow or what happened to him. His son maybe didn't mind him at all so he is upset at how things turn out. The last line "The wind with a voice.And me talking to no one." to me is once again saying my father is speaking to me but I am not talking to him at all. I find it as a dark and deep poem in my assessment. Now as the Italics go I believe that they show the change in the narrators feelings towards his father. After the first Italics the mood seems to get dark and grim. Him describing the bad between him and his father. Now after the second Italics, I feel like he remembers maybe how his father somewhat cared about him in some way. Saying how his father showed his virtues towards him. After the third italics it seems that his father has died and the narrator is reminiscent of the good time after his father's death. Now the fourth Italics states a different phrase, "Have you found refuge yet," which could mean that his father is maybe asking for forgiveness for the sins he might have committed. and then the italics write, "Are you happy?" which like I said portrays the whole poem meaning that his father is asking for forgiveness or something of that sort.

    What do the 10-13 stanzas really mean?

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  8. I chose to discuss Prompt # 2. In the poem “Have You Prayed” it begins with saying that the wind is talking to the speaker in his fathers voice. From reading this poem, I think that his father has died, but that speaker can still hear his father’s words and questions in the form of the wind. He remembers his father’s love for him as he hears him ask the question “Have you prayed?”. I think that this question is repeated so many times to stress its meaning and what it is really asking. Praying was obviously and important part of the father’s life and the speaker realizes that. Even though his father may be gone, the speaker knows that there are still parts of life that he must carry out in his father’s memory. The speaker knows that he will always here from his father because he is “… never finished answering to the dead..”. After discovering the importance of prayer and the virtues to his father, the speaker is realizing that he should be doing it after his father is not with him any more, and this is why he is hearing the question asked in different forms than he usually would.
    This poem does a great job at appealing to the senses of the reader. It describes a great deal of emotion and the actions of the fires. For example, “… seeing, hearing, touching, hearing, thinking…”. This is very helpful in gaining the emotion feel that is being drawn out in the poetry. I especially enjoyed the line, “Or is he the breath of God?”. I just thought that this line was really powerful and that it had strength to it.
    His father taught his about the virtues that he lists- patience, wisdom, etc. This poem also explains the aspects of his father’s love- “two thirds worry, two thirds grief, and what’s left over…”. All of those attributes go into helping both the living and the dead. The virtues are important pieces to live by to gain a full life. In the end of the poem, the father is wondering if his son is living a good successful life and asking if he has found happiness.
    In this poem, the speaker relates himself to parts of nature on many occasions. For example- “a flower is one station between earth’s rapture, and blood was fire, salt, and breath long before it quickened any wand or branch, and limb that woke speaking.” But then he realizes that he is just hearing himself in nature, hearing the wind. Listing all the different parts of nature is very helpful in happening a picture in readers’ minds of what is happening in the poem.
    I also thought that the ending line “Strange. A troubled father. A happy son. The wind with a voice. And me talking to no one.”, was worded very nicely. The punctuation made it really clear when I was reading it.

    My question for Li- Young Lee- What is the most interesting part about being a poet? And where do you find inspiration for your poetry?

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  9. Prompt # 2

    Having a poem titled “Have You Prayed” initially makes me think of religion. This is furthered with the first three lines of the poem asking “When the wind turns and asks, in my father’s voice, Have you Prayed?” I understood this to mean that the speaker of the poem was asked by God, or what he would consider his father, if he has prayed. I assumed this because it is not unusual for people to refer to God or Jesus as Father. I also thought that the wind is God somewhat masked in a way that humans can understand it.
    After reading it further, the next two lines made me think that this is just about the speaker’s father and not God. These lines state, “I know three things. One: I’m never finished answering to the dead.” God is not really part of the dead, so I cannot see how this part of the poem can be taken as the speaker talking about God.
    After reading the whole poem, I came to believe that the speaker is the son, talking about his father. The poem led me to believe that the father and son had a close relationship but the father is no longer around because he died. For example, one part of the poem states, “And wisdom? That’s my father’s face in sleep.” This to me means that he is not around to be spoken to and that the son can only see him in his head when he is dreaming or even imagining. I also feel that the father was very religious but the son was never.
    Now that the father is gone, the son thinks the father is speaking to him through the wind. However, in the poem there are a couple of lines that talk about the speaker and what he feels about this wind. They state, “When the wind asks, Have you prayed?” I know it’s only me reminding myself… It’s just me, asking, Have you found your refuge yet? asking, Are you happy?” This to me means that the father is not really talking to the son. The wind could have sparked the son’s memory or just sounded like the father. I thought this because in the beginning lines of the poem, it says that the wind asked in his father’s voice. This made me assume that the son is asking a question to himself that the father would usually ask, whether or not he is praying. The ending lines of the poem state, “Strange. A troubled father. A happy son. The wind with a voice. And me talking to no one.” I took these lines to mean that the father is not happy because the son is not praying. The son is happy because he heard his father’s voice in the wind. The strange part is that the wind sounds like the father. To me that last line means that the son is not talking to anybody or that he is not praying.

    Question:
    What is the name of your favorite poem that you have ever written?

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  10. After reading the very first stanza of “Have you Prayed,” I asked myself if that means the speaker’s father has passed away. I concluded that his dad is passed away, especially with two other places in the poem referring to the dead. I think it is important to realize this because it could change how the poem is interpreted along with the italicized questions from the dead father meant for the son.
    The question “Have you prayed?” said from a father to his son makes me think two things: the father is either really strict about religion and always feels he has to ask his son if he has prayed, or the son has done something wrong so he should pray. Regardless, the son’s father is very religious because of the amount of times in the poem the question is repeated, whether the son is religious or not.
    From the poem, I get the sense that this father and son are very close, but that they have different values and/or priorities. They are close because the speaker references “a father’s love,” and if they weren’t I don’t think the speaker would say anything about that or at least word it differently. Not only does he reference a father’s love, but also that it “is milk and sugar.” These are positive, sweet things and are often made in dessert recipes, which makes a good transition for when he uses measurements. He next says “two-thirds worry, two-thirds grief,” which is a big change from milk and sugar. But I think even though they had a good relationship, the father was often worried. The father is religious, and I think the son is not, which is why he is always asking if he has prayed. He worries and grieves about the son not being religious and therefore always feels the need to ask him to pray. Hearing the father as worrying, grieving and “troubled,” I picture he read the bible very literally so everything about our evolving world made him apprehensive.
    The first thing I thought of from the line “I’m never finished answering to the dead,” made me question if it meant that the son could never please the father. But thinking about it more, I don’t think that is the case. They had a close relationship after all, and I want to say the son is grieving for his dead father so he continues to hear him even after he is gone. I feel his father asked “Have you prayed” a lot in life, so it is a strong memory. I also think the son is struggling with the death because of the line “And patience? That’s to endure the terrible leavening and kneading.” I’m not sure, but I think these words are meant to say leaving and needing. His father left and the son needed or still needs him, and the son needs patience to get through it.
    The last two italicized questions of the poem are different. He is asked “Have you found your refuge yet? Are you happy?” I was not sure if it was the son actually accepting his father always asking about praying, or if that is just what he made himself hear. If anything I think the first, because it ends “A troubled father. A happy son,” like the son is happy the way he is.

    Question: In “Have you Prayed,” what did you mean by winds and fires?

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  11. I also decided to write about the second prompt on “Have You Prayed.” This poem really connected to me even though I’m not a boy and haven’t experienced losing my father, but it just really sucked me with the details and the verbs that are being used throughout the poem. I guess it’s kind of been determined that the father in this poem is deceased, and the son is still dealing with the death of his father. In the beginning of the poem, he first says “Have you prayed?” which is supposed to be being said by the father as the wind. This is actually really significant to me because to me, it’s showing that the father is still all around him even in another life. Although it may seem that they may not have had the best relationship in the place after readying the poem all the way through. In the next few stanzas, when he compares “a man to four winds and three fires. And the four winds are his father’s voice, his mother’s voice….” This to me just emphasizes how strong his father was that he is comparing him to such a strong wind. Another thing that stood out to me in this poem was the line “I’m never finished answering to the dead.” This line just kind of explains the entire poem because if we realize that the father is no longer with the son, then we can see that he still part of him and always will be by acting as the wind all around him. The personification of the wind to the father is just great, and really makes a bold statement on the relationship was or what it should have been when he was alive. Maybe, the father regrets not having a good relationship with his son, and that’s why he is checking to see if he has prayed because he wants to hear his prayers.
    At about the middle of the poem when he is talking about the patience and wisdom, I feel as though he could be talking about his father since he says “and wisdom? That’s my father’s face in sleep.” The father and son may have seen things in different aspects which are what caused them to not have such a good relationship. At the end of the poem, in italics, “Have you found your refuge yet? Asking, Are you happy?” this may be describing the fact that since they didn’t see eye to eye on things, the father wants to make sure that his son is happy even if he’s not around him. “Strange. A troubled father. A happy son. The wind with a voice. And me talking to no one.” These last few lines, I feel, are very important because after everything the “wind” has been saying to him, the son feels like he is talking to no one because there is no one there really. The relationship between the two seems to be defined in these lines, showing that he’s being spoken to, but he really has no one at the end of the day and seems to be happy either way.

    Question: What is the significance of only italicizing the "Have you prayed?," but then italicizing the lines at the end of the poem?

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  12. Prompt #3:
    While reading “Virtues of a Boring Husband,” I had a lot of questions and feelings running through my head. One of my initial thoughts was that I did not think that the husband sounded boring at all. Sure, his wife fell asleep to the sound of his voice, but I felt as though she was able to relax and doze off for reasons outside of boredom. I felt that when the speaker was lying next to his wife, she felt complete and the rest of the world and its problems were no longer important.

    During the poem, the speaker assesses the relationship between two lovers. He mentions that the lovers do not have to have met in a garden or in a perfect scene, but it’s that the “spaces emerge out of the listening their speaking to each other engenders.” Then, the speaker takes on the challenge of defining love and the relationship between God’s Love and the love we have for God as well as others. I believe the speaker begins by recognizing that humans love one another. Then, he asks why do humans love on earth? In response to his pondering, he suggests that the love that humans are able to express connects them with the Ultimate Love that is from God. I believe that the line “to surrender an sense of an I is to feel our true condition” is referring to God being the “I” and loving another being as becoming like God, the image in which we were supposedly made. The speaker goes on to state that “meeting between lover and lover our souls’ intercourse with what it loves.” I believe that this statement is based off of the idea that couples were put on this earth and given the gift of communion, because through communion, they are able to feel the Love that God has for them. They join together to know one another and the experience the gift that God has given to them. This interpretation is based off of my Christian biases and my reading of the “Theology of the Body.”

    Though I am not sure why the speaker refers to himself as boring, I do gather that he is virtuous. The speaker displays a desire to help his wife to go to sleep, though they do not sleep in the same bed which may suggest that she does not have the same love for him that he has for her. His virtues come out in the form of patience and understanding, as attempts to understand live through the eyes of God. He sounds like a selfless man that is attempting to understand the life that God wants him to live. Virtuous people are often defined by their conformation to moral and ethical principals. In the case of this poem, the speaker is conforming to God, the leader that he believes is benevolent and worth following.

    Questions for Li-Young Lee:
    1.) How do you handle hearing interpretations of your poems that differ from your intended messages?
    2.) Why were your parents exiled, and how did that influence your writing?
    3.) Why was the husband in “Virtues of a Boring Husband” referred to as boring? Can you explain the meaning of the poem and why this title was appropriate?

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  13. Li-Young Lee is a tricky and lovely poet. I find myself entranced very quickly and staying with the momentum of his poems very easily. I do not know if there is much within the Li-Young Lee poem “Have You Prayed” which reminds me of another poet we read but there are a few images (not styling) which did. I thought pretty immediately of Mark Doty, let it be because they are somewhat similar or possibly just because he is fresh in my mind since we just read him. For example, in the poem, “Have You Prayed” Li-Young Lee asks if we are in fact the “breath of God?” This really reminded me of “The Ware Collection of Glass Flowers and Fruit, Harvard Museum.” Doty makes the same ascertation, though not as direct when he attempts to describe glass-blowing. Doty states, “…the sweet flag’s flaring bud already, at the tip, blackened: it’s hard to remember these were ballooned and shaped by breath.” In talking about breath, something so very human and personal we are able to find the connection that creation may come from breath. In “Virtues of the Boring Husband,” Li-Young Lee writes, “It isn’t that lovers always meet in a garden,” which reminded me so much of Doty. Gardens are a theme throughout most of My Alexandria that to see another poet use the word garden might always make me think of him in some sense. I also think the images of the phrase are similar to the Doty poem, “Fog” when Doty writes, “God in garden.” Even though it seems as though Li-Young Lee is speaking about lovers, afterwards he goes on a fairly long exploration on how God is like our first lover. I really loved both poems that we were given. They had a lot of depth and the questions raised in them made it difficult to interpret and gave me some nice little nuggets to think on. Especially in, “Virtues of the Boring Husband.” I love the thought process he goes through. I’m sure he spent many weeks or months or years on this poem and yet it has a great stream of consciousness feeling to it. I enjoyed how he is there to comfort his wife into sleep and he is talking about the essence of love, because in my eyes comfort really can be a great attribute of love. He is basically trying to figure out the nature of love and in essence the nature of God and how this all powerful feeling and being fit into our lives. I especially loved the line, “Maybe, too often, we mistake the guest for the host, confusing the I and the You.” Earlier he had mentioned that the You is in fact us while the I is actually God. More than not when people curse God they use you when in fact, in the narrators eyes, we would really be cursing ourselves because we can not understand the difference. I’m not sure if my interpretation is on the money, but if it is, that is a terrible and thought provoking affliction.

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  14. Prompt 3
    Well first of all I don’t think the husband’s words to his wife are necessarily boring, but comforting. I think she likes knowing he is there as she falls asleep at night. I think one of virtues the husband figures out is that love and the relationship between two people do not always appear as it does in stories or romance movies, but sometimes love can develop in much simpler everyday places and activities. He says “it isn’t that lovers always meet in a garden”. This quote contributes to my point that love can develop anywhere and anytime. He continues to say “It’s that such spaces emerge out of listening their speaking to each other engenders.” In other words it is what they say to one another and how they speak to one other that evokes a connection and love for each other, not the place. He then continues to question whether through talking our souls begin to connect; souls that have been waiting for each other. He says “Maybe the face to face true lovers enact manifest a prior coincidence of heaven and earth, say, or body and soul…” Perhaps he is inferring that lover’s souls previously meet before meeting once again. Then the husband continues by mentioning God’s part in this whole process and the “expression of God’s first nature”. This section was very confusing as seemingly philosophical. He mentions the idea of the Source’s “I” versus “You” and the idea of the second person to God’s first personhood and surrendering any sense of an “I”. Maybe he means that when two souls between two people connect we are no longer individuals but one person who is then a counterpart of God? Then finally by falling in love and allowing our souls to connect we are showing our love and gratitude to God for giving us these bodies. The husband then talks about moving up on a ladder of love and the process of learning to love the entirety of a person. He says “maybe we learn to love a person, say, first, as object, and then as presence, and then as essence, and then as disclosure of the divine. He is trying to understand the progression of love and how love happens. First we might fall in love with what we see and minor traits of a person. However, slowly over time through talking we learn to see much deeper into who the person truly is and grow accustom to their presence. Then the longer we are with that person stronger and stronger connected we find a sort of essence that draws us to each other. One of final things he says is “and maybe our seeing it in another proves that face inside each other”. With this I think he finally learns that by falling in love we learn about ourselves and learning to love another, helps us learn to love ourselves.
    Question: What motivates you to write?
    Question: How long do you usually spend on a poem?
    Question: Do you ever share your poem with others while you’re still in the process of writing or do you prefer to wait until the poem is completely finished?

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  15. In Have You Prayed, I think that the speaker and the father had a very close relationship; I think that he and his mother however were not so close. The first hint that leads me to believe that the speaker and the father are close is the line “I know three things. One: I’m never finished answering to the dead.” This makes me think that the speaker still has some sort of connection with the father even after his death and that they may see the father as sort of a guardian angel. Another line that makes me think that the two have some sort of connection is “And fires are seeing, hearing, touching, dreaming, thinking…” I think that in the after life the father has made a connection with him through a dream or even some how answering a prayer. This could explain the question of “have you prayed?” because maybe that is the one chance that the two of them still get to spend time together. Later when he is talking about the first thing that he remembers he says “A fathers love is milk and sugar, two-thirds worry, two-thirds grief, and what’s left over is a trimmed and leavened to make the bread the dead and the living share.” I think the worry and grief that is talked about may be the speaker not knowing whether the father made it to heaven or whether they themselves will get to go to heaven and be with the father after their life on earth. I think this idea comes up two more times before the end of the poem the first one when he says “a flower is one station between earth’s wish and earth’s rapture” I think he may be hinting at the fact that he has been around death a lot in his life and that one way people mourn a death is taking flowers to the funeral to say good by. So he is seeing the flowers as the person leaving earth and is on their way to the after life, and he is questioning what will happen to him after he dies, or what does the after life have in store for him. I think the prayers that are talked about in this poem have a great deal with the speaker not knowing what is going to happen to him in the after life. Even the talk about worry and grief is something that has been on his mind and maybe the father was someone who was there to help him through this idea and now he is looking for answers even after the fathers’ death. The last thing that makes me think that the speaker and the father are close is the line “my father through me, asking, have you found refuge yet? Asking, Are you happy?” I really feel like the speaker has faith in God and that heaven is a real thing to him but struggles with what is going to happen to him after his life, and that the father was always there for the son.

    Question: What made you think to write “Have You Prayed”?

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  16. I found both of Li-Young Lee’s poems to be interesting and intriguing. While reading “Have You Prayed” I got the sense of the father and son relationship. From reading this poem I got the feeling that possibly his father was dead. I got this feeling because in stanza two, line five he states: “I’m never finished answering to the dead.”Also he keeps talking about the dead, like in stanza seven, “is trimmed and leavened to make the bread the dead and the living share. He hears his father’s voice only threw the wind, or so he thinks. His father has had a big impact on his life and I think the speaker is conflicted with something. He notes qualities of his father that he admires and some that he doesn’t. He states, “A fathers love is milk and sugar, two thirds worry, two-thirds grief …” He’s father was nurturing and had wisdom and patience but I think maybe overbearing at times and possibly strict. Maybe his father’s death hit him hard and he is still not over it. It may even be possible that the relationship the have may be close and may have a possibility conflict. When I look at the italicized questions like: Have you prayed I think this may have been something that the father always asked the son when he was alive and it might not have been a priority in his son’s eyes. I think he always thinks about the questions his father asked him when he thinks about him and his life.
    In stanzas three and four, “two: A man is four winds and three fires. And the four winds are his father’s voice, his mother’s voice… Or maybe he’s seven winds and ten fires. And the fires are seeing, hearing, touching, dreaming, thinking… Or is he the breath of God?” This line had me a little confused. I don’t know if he was comparing his father to fire in a good way or bad way. Maybe this contributes to his father being wise and patient. Also it may even be possible that the voice he is hearing that sounds like his father’s is God.
    The last two questioned asked: “Have you found your refuge yet? Are you happy?” These two questions show that there is a conflict. Meaning maybe the speaker is not happy because he does not have shelter or protection from harm because one his father is no longer there with him and secondly he has not gotten over his fathers death. By the last stanza we can really get the sense of the sons stand, “Strange. A troubled father. A happy son. The wind with a voice. And me talking to no one.” The speaker finally realizes that he and only he can control his life and that things happen that you have no control over. He father was troubled and dominate. I don’t think it was his father or God that was asking him these questions. I have a feeling it was himself
    Question: Is Have You Prayed a personal poem?

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  17. The poem “Have You Prayed” was in my mind one of the best poems that I have read through this whole class. I really am amazed by the relationship between the writer and his father. I believe that the writer and his father have a very strong relationship, one that continues to live on past his father’s death. I realized that his father was dead when the writer mentioned that he has not stopped talking to the dead. When the writer stated in the couplet “Funny, a troubled father, a happy son, a wind with a voice. And me without one” it led me to believe that the writer thinks of his father as the wind, and furthermore he is upset that he does not have a son in which he could evoke the same emotions his father did to him. Wind is a majestic, wondrous force in nature. One that can both do deeds of good such as spreading pollen, yet at a moment’s switch in can flip and turn into a storm with enough power to destroy houses. I believe that this is how a father’s love is and what the writer was trying to get at by mentioning his father so many times in conjunction with wind. A father’s love can be comforting yet forceful, one that has the power to do great things, but at the same time is delicate and volatile enough that it has potential to turn into a horrific storm. I believe that the father-son relationship connects to the italicized questions because the italicized questions are ones of a spiritual nature, and because his father is dead the only way that the son can contact his father is through prayer. The wind carries his father’s voice down from the heavens to the writers ear, the voice often asks “Have you prayed” I believe this to be the father asking the son if he has tried to contact him recently. The last two questions in italics, however, are different than the questions previously stated. They go on to ask “Have you found your refuge yet?” and “Are you happy?” I believe that these questions reference his father’s passing, meaning that the father is asking his son if he has finally found something that makes him feel relieved, happy, and elated. I believe that when the reader asks if the wind is the breath of god, and that the voice he hears is in his father’s voice, that he believes his father is communicating to him through the wind, which metaphorically is his love. As a result I believe that this is why the italicized questions are constantly “Have you prayed?” because the only way the son will be able to contact his father is through prayer. I really love this poem and truly am in love with the idea of a fathers love being compared to wind. Wind being mysterious, beautiful, and dangerous is what I often think of in a fathers love. I may have a bias because my father’s love is strong yet soft, mysterious yet realized, and kind yet dangerous.

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  18. Li-Young Lee’s poem “Virtues of the Boring Husband” seems like this poem extends from an autobiographical standpoint from the specific use of the article “the” instead of “a.” This poem guides a reader through the nature of love within a relationship and how fueling the “magic” of loving a person that is unlike ourselves (line 3). This quality, in turn, makes the husband beneficial in the relationship. The ability for the couple to complement each other overturns the boring aspects, and even these boring tendencies are what ignite the relationship. Their bond may not seem ideal, yet listening as the couples do cuddling in bed together, creates an atmosphere of pure desire. As a husband, his virtues are that he lets go, and has grown to understand how he can complement his wife in the best sense possible, even if that means speaking with her until she dazes off. He has learned, as in a Platonic sense, how his wife reacts, the breathing of her voice, the way he complements her body, stroking her hair. It’s the way he has seen their love grown together in the relationship, their bond together that makes each other love a deeper, more beautiful aspect each day. From the initial physical desire of a relationship, to the companionship, to an even stronger affection of divinity, the husband grows through the stages and transcends upward the “ladder of love” to a purity in love that is heaven sent (lines 105-109).
    From his virtues, he has referenced the Platonic form of love, and the poem sends many hints to the growing aspect of their relationship. From the initial body signals in lines 11-15, the wife seems comforted by her husband’s mere proximity to her. He “calms” her softly and reassures her in line 17, “I’m right here.” From there he recognizes her reaction, the “daze” look she gives as he affirms to the imperfections of lovers (line 27). Though sounding completely desirable, the garden or the sea side house, the lovers in these places only speak to each other (lines 20-28). It is the emergence of listening, a deeper, selfless action, that a lover does not only hear the words, yet the lover hears the breath of the voice or sees the physical distress of a sleepless body (as this husband does so clearly). These actions are an obvious sign of love that climbs to “ladder of love,” because the lovers not only understand the complexities in their love, they accept their imperfections like God accepts sinners into heaven. As the husbands speaks about the “union of lovers is an instance” this stanza (lines 54 – 58) demonstrates the progression of an relationship, each experience the couples shares together shapes a new source of companionship, the details of each lover’s mind is a religious, a natural, bond like God’s everlasting bond with his creations. This sense of love is a deep element, yet even more unifying and breathtaking is how the husband contemplates where the phrase “I love You” transcends from (lines 64-79). Like a missing piece of a puzzle, the You is an echo to the Source’s “I love”, (line 74). This line feeds to a highest ladder in the progressive knowledge of love, an idea that a lover is as divine as God himself, and that a lover has a place in a heart, like God remains in our body. From this conclusive idea of the Platonic emergence of a growing knowledge of love, the husband is virtuous because he accepts the flaws of his lover, as she accepts his “boring” theories on love with understanding.
    Question: Why did you use the term “boring” in the title of “Virtues of the Boring Husband” when he seems to transgress through the idea of love as a growth process?
    How do you see the love in another’s face? Is the proof of love greater in the words they speak or the responsive actions?

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  19. When I first read “Virtues of the Boring Husband,” I found the poem entertaining and relatable. It was comical in that almost every woman could relate to this poem at some point in her life. On the other hand, it was ironic in that usually it’s the man saying that they hate listening to their wife and they are the ones who fall asleep when the wife wants to stay up and talk. I found this spin on the subject quite interesting. Also, I did think that the husband’s philosophical talk was a bit confusing and boring, how ironic.
    He starts out his philosophical talk by stating that two people whom are in love can feel and create great things. He says, “It’s that such place emerge out of the listening their speaking to each other engenders.” By this I think he means that when two people are immensely in love with one another, they seem to paint beautiful backgrounds while they are together. When they speak to one another, time seems to stop and they can be where ever they want to be during that moment. Maybe their love is so deep that nothing else seems to matter when they are together. He then goes on to compare that first moment of the site of your true love to things that are the complete opposite of each other. Such as heaven and earth, body and soul, equal opposites, etc. What he means by this is that when you find your true love, the person whom you are destined to spend the rest of your life with, is like the analogy of a lock and key. It is the moment that two completely different people coming together as one.
    He speaks of this virtue or so called feeling of love throughout the whole poem, which seems to be his biggest virtue of all. He then goes on to say that “Maybe the union of lovers in an instance of primary simultaneity, timeless, from which arises the various shapes of Time and duration.” Simply meaning that the union of you and your counterpart is endless, there is no sense of time. Everything is motionless and all your worries and cares don’t seem to matter. The more difficult part of the poem was when he began to speak about God, and the way God may say “I love you” or “love you”. He battles back and fourth between the terms you and I. He fiddles with the idea that maybe we are the You to His I, or that we are the second to God’s first sense of personhood. He says that we may confuse you and I, and that when we do this we raise many more question about ourselves and the love we have for another.
    I believe that the speaker in this poem is trying to figure out the true meaning of love, or at least what one feels when one loves another. Also, that the act of loving another can further help us to love ourselves. He concludes the poem by coming to the conclusion of how one starts out loving a person, and then finally graduates to the true way of loving another being. “Maybe we learn to love a person, say, first as object, and then as a presence, and then as essence, and then as disclosure of the divine.” This simply saying that we begin to love a person for nothing more than their physical self, nothing more, but then we gradually begin to see the person inside and fall in love with the whole person and not just the physical aspects. He also concludes that this could be a short process happening all at once, or even a gradual process where we develop a deep love for them over time.
    I feel like the speaker wrestle with this subject in order to understand what and why he feels the way he does for his wife. Why does he sit there at night and talk his wife to sleep, when he knows she never listens? Is it out of pure love or something else? I am really not sure why he is doing this, but I do know that he does love something in his life that is making him hypothesize about love.

    Question: What got you interested in poetry?

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  20. When reading Li-Young Lee’s poem “Have you prayed” I was instantly reminded of Mark Jarman’s poem “Proverbs”. When reading both poems I felt in a very philosophic mood. I imagine someone outside not speaking the poem aloud but reciting the lines in their heads while in deep contemplation. The ways the poems are structured also have correlation. Both poems are set up similar to a list. They both state “three things” that they are contemplating and then go on to describe the list in detail. I find it interesting that even though both poems have lists of three things neither one actually speaks of actually three things. In Proverbs, there is always a fourth element that is different from the first three. In, “Have You Prayed” that author sates twice that he “knows” or “remembers” three things, yet he does not list the three things. Once he lists two and the second time only one. I think this theme of listing elements that the authors know is what first reminded me of one another.
    I mentioned earlier, that the two poems have very philosophic tones, and I think this is also evident in Lee’s “Virtues of the Boring Husband”. Both poems examine very large questions about the universe and God’s presence in the world. I also noticed there are several references in “Proverbs” to sleep. Jarman speaks of “the deep sleep” of his children; things waking him at three in the morning; waking to sleeping; and although not about sleep he speaks of a woman’s body and her absence in time of need. I find it interesting that Lee’s poem takes place in his bedroom while trying to help his wife fall asleep while Jarman’s poem makes reference to sleep and woman’s presence multiple times.
    In “Have You Prayed” I believe the italicized words are questions that his father must have asked him very often. If he hears these phrases in the wind they must be very ingrained in his mind leading me to believe that his father was very concerned about his son’s well being. I get a sense that Lee’s father was a loving and caring father who was trying to instill these values in his son, while Lee himself is struggling to maintain these values now that his father has past away. The way that Lee speaks it is evident that his father’s voice will live inside him until he himself passes away.
    In “Virtues of the Boring Husband” the husband tries to find his value in his relationship with his wife. It starts out that he is only helping his wife by boring her to sleep. Yet as he progresses through the poem he goes on a search for his true worth in the relationship. He looks at what a relationship is and how the two people in it affect one another and the world around them. He also examines his relationship to God in order to find answers. He ultimately feels that love is determined by seeing love inside another person and thus reaffirms the love in ourselves.

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  21. Question: Do you really bore your wife to sleep when you talk?

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  22. In Li-Young Lee's poem "Have You Prayed", Lee describes his relationship to his deceased father and reflects on the love and pain that his father invested into his child. The first thing Lee "knows" after hearing his father's voice in the wind, reminding him of his values and his upbringing, is that he still has unfinished business with people close to him who have passed away--his father, in particular. This means that he still feels responsible for making his father proud, even though the two are separated by life and death. He elaborates on this concept in the second thing he realizes; the four winds that make up a man consist of the values given to him by his family (particularly his father and mother), while the fires in himself--that which he is passionate about, which possibly conflicts with the guiding values given to him by his family--are sensual and logical pleasures like seeing, hearing, thinking, etc. Then he reconsiders what he thought he was made of by bringing God into the picture. Lee's father was probably religious because he had been making sure that Lee was keeping up with his religion--meaning that Lee is unconsciously trying to uphold his father's standards, even while reflecting on them. Lee describes his father's love beautifully: as "milk and sugar". Because he used sweet metaphors in describing that love, he could be referring to the relationship as being something good in the midst of the difficulties of life. His father often worried and grieved (sometimes the two even overlapped). However, the rest of what a father's love is made of is something that's necessary (in Lee's use of the word "bread"), but which needs to be worked on a great deal. This work requires a lot of patience, but Lee believes that it pays off in the end. Perhaps the "bread" Lee refers to (which both the living and the dead can share) is really the everyday support that a father gives to his son. Lee says that his father's wisdom was private, and was somewhere he could return to every night while relaxing from the stress of supporting and advising his son. As a child, Lee could not understand this greater wisdom (though his father revealed some of it every time he advised Lee). Because of this, his father seemed to have experienced a lot in his years, which Lee is recognizing at this point in his life. The question Lee's father is really asking when the wind blows (or what Lee imagines his father would be asking him) is if his son is happy enough. Not to reference pop culture, but this poem reminded me of Lynard Skynard's song "Simple Man". Lee's father only wants his son to find his own happiness in life, and had been advising and supporting him the best he could during their time together. Lee remembers that his father had only been trying to help Lee achieve lasting happiness.

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  23. In “Virtues of a Boring Husband,” it is obvious that the speaker is smitten by his wife, comfortable with the fact that his boring voice can put her to sleep. He desires just to be there for her, lies down beside her, and stays when she asks. The husband’s soliloquy begins with describing the simple actions of lovers – speaking – and then from speaking emerges listening. Ironically, the husband is speaking throughout this entire poem but his wife stops listening as she falls asleep. His “pillow talk” isn’t necessarily for her to hear, but rather for him to just speak to himself out loud to come to some kind of understanding of what it means to love. How does it happen? How did he get where he is, in bed with his wife as she drifts into sleep she so desperately needs? He wonders, in line 43, if the meeting of two lovers is prior coincidence, predetermined destiny. Then, in line 54, he wonders if the love transpires in an instance, “primary simultaneity, timeless.” The husband’s description of God in the next few stanzas seem to reach for a bigger understanding of love. It isn’t something of this world. It is a result of God loving us first and being given the ability to love someone on this earth. In lines 76 – 78: “To surrender any sense of an I is to feel our true condition, a You before God, and to be seen,” is to surrender to someone, submit to someone, reveal ourselves to someone in order to feel that love from God and for God. He then wonders if maybe the love for God is the “Beloved returning the Lover’s gaze” and being in awe of His creation. The relationship between lovers is grounded in that “gaze.” He then expresses toward the end of the poem that a relationship enables one to not only see into the other, but also into oneself.

    The physical descriptions of his wife that the speaker includes throughout the poem keeps the reader connected to the presence of the love he has for her; his words are so gentle and eloquent that, as the readers, we can assume he looks at her and listens to her in the most genuine and tender ways. The love he is describing, analyzing, exploring is inspired by the woman lying next to him. He is amazed that the love he has for her transpired from something he can’t quite grasp, can’t quite explain. It is humbling how he embraces the fact that his voice puts his wife to sleep. He comfortable being that comfort for her. This virtuous man expresses importance in speaking, listening, touching, meeting, believing, trusting, loving. He comes to realize that there isn’t just one explanation for the establishment of a relationship or the foundation of love. There is time spent together, valuing the ins and outs of that person you love – the shore to your not shore, the sea to your sky, the room to your world, the gazer to your gazed upon (lines 47-48) – the one who makes you feel not so boring because they are with you, falling asleep in your arms.

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  24. When did you first fall in love? Are these ideas of love true to your beliefs?

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  25. I can see Lee's virtuous side in his poem “Virtues of the Boring Husband,” however, I don't sense anything boring about him. Perhaps he believes he bores his wife when he speaks; I, on the other hand, think his wife finds security in his voice. When one feels secure, it's much easier to feel at ease and therefore, sleep. Lee's wife hasn't slept well in days, but as soon as he lays down next to her she “immediately calms down, / finds a fetal posture, / and tucks her head under [his] arm.” If it were the case that his wife found Lee lacking in interest, she would not cuddle closer to him. There's a strong sense of attachment found in those lines. Also, she asks Lee to stay, as in a desperate way of saying “please don't leave me.”
    It's apparent why Lee's wife feels so comfortable with him. Not only are his narrative lines in this poem soothing, but from the videos of his readings, his voice is soothing as well. From Lee's point of view, he suggests that his rambling on bores his wife, as if what he's saying isn't important or understandable. Indeed, it was difficult to follow his words at first, but after reading this poem a second time, I believe his lines are anything but boring. They are insightful, deep, and peaceful. Line 20 states, “it isn't that lovers always meet in a garden;” I immediately pictured Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Lee then goes on to say that “it isn't that lovers always speak / together in a house by the sea, or in a room...it's that such spaces emerge / out of the listening / their speaking to each other engenders...” These lines suggest that love is not always physically shown and that people don't always have to meet in the most romantic place in order to find love. Love is not like in movies or fairy tales. There's a whole other side of live besides the traditional Hallmark holiday business. Lee is referring to the love of God.
    Lee underestimates his wife's affection. Line 38 reads, “Or was it: Every so many sighs, death?” I was confused by this statement. Obviously, Lee does not mean his wife is going to die, but I think he might be pointing to the death of their marriage perhaps. He thinks his wife's ability to sleep when he talks might be a bad thing, but as I said earlier, I believe it's just the opposite.
    Lee compares the love of God to the love of two human beings... “maybe the face-to-face true lovers enact / manifests a prior coincidence / of heaven and earth, say, or body and soul...” The prior coincidence Lee is speaking of is God's love for His creation, and His creation's love for God aka the “gazer and the gazed upon.” Lee writes of many opposites, suggesting that God and man are opposites, but without one, the other would not be complete.
    The phrase “I love you” strikes Lee as quite complex. He writes, “we're the You to the Source's I...then, to surrender any sense of an I / is to feel our true condition, a You / before God, and to be seen.” In order words, Lee means that to feel alive or to feel a sense of “I” is to feel God (our true condition) and to be You is to see yourself before the eyes of God.
    Going back to the concept that Lee compares God's love for His creation to the love two humans have for one another, Lee writes that “maybe love for God amounts to the Beloved returning the Lover's gaze.” He also believes that the meeting between “lover and lover, our souls' intercourse with what it loves,” meaning that to love another person is what our connection with God must feel like.
    Lee concludes that the way God loves us, is much like how a human being loves another human being... “and maybe our seeing it in another / proves that face inside ourselves.” He loves his wife like he loves God and like how God loves him. Love is beautiful and mysterious, and it can't always be physically seen.
    (I wrote this assuming Lee was using first person narrative.)

    I would like to ask Lee the third thing is he knows in "Have you Prayed" since he never really states it.

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  26. I really enjoyed reading these pieces and thought Lee’s style was awesome. I am choosing to write about ‘Have You Prayed.” This poem is clearly about the relationship the speaker has and once had with his now deceased father. It now only speaks of the type of feeling and interaction he gets now after his father has died, but it speaks of the relationship, love and wisdom he had while his father was still alive. Lee describes the interaction he has with his father by personifying him in the wind. He states in the first stanza, “When the wind turns and asks, in my father’s voice.” This personification allows Lee to have conversations with his father even though his father is no longer alive. In the second stanza Lee writes, “I’m never finished answering to the dead.” This tells me that this conversation and interaction has been and will be going on for a long time. He probably speaks to his father often, and looks to him for help and wisdom when in need. From the way Lee looks to his father for answers, I think that when his father was alive, Lee had similar interactions with his father. I believe that the relationship they had was one in which Lee learned a lot and relied on his father for guidance. Lee even describes wisdom as his father’s face in sleep. Personifying wisdom as his father tells me that this was one of the most important pieces of this father son relationship. I know that Lee’s relationship with his father is important from the lines, “I remember three things. One: A father’s love.” The first thing of only three things he remembers is his father’s love. I am sure that his father was the most important person in his life, and the relationship he had with him is very meaningful. Lee’s probably has many great memories of his giving him guidance and nurturing him. One sense I get from a line in the poem is that Lee is struggling without his father, and looks to him even though he is not around to help. Lee writes in his father’s voice, “Have you found your refuge yet? Asking, are you happy?” His father is there to make sure his son is happy and has found refuge. Also Lee’s father asks him if he has prayed, this gives me the feeling that his father was also an important piece of Lee’s religious life, often being there to remind Lee of his faith, and I’m sure to remind him of many other things that make him a good man. In the poem Lee questions whether or not it is his father speaking to him. He writes, “I know it’s only me reminding myself.” Even though Lee knows he is not actually speaking to his father, and the wind is not actually speaking to him, he still looks to his father for guidance. The wind is a way for him to feel more strongly his father’s presence.
    A few questions for Li-Young Lee. How do you get inspired to write a piece? When, how and why did you decide to dedicate your time to writing poetry?

    ReplyDelete
  27. I really enjoyed reading these pieces and thought Lee’s style was awesome. I am choosing to write about ‘Have You Prayed.” This poem is clearly about the relationship the speaker has and once had with his now deceased father. It now only speaks of the type of feeling and interaction he gets now after his father has died, but it speaks of the relationship, love and wisdom he had while his father was still alive. Lee describes the interaction he has with his father by personifying him in the wind. He states in the first stanza, “When the wind turns and asks, in my father’s voice.” This personification allows Lee to have conversations with his father even though his father is no longer alive. In the second stanza Lee writes, “I’m never finished answering to the dead.” This tells me that this conversation and interaction has been and will be going on for a long time. He probably speaks to his father often, and looks to him for help and wisdom when in need. From the way Lee looks to his father for answers, I think that when his father was alive, Lee had similar interactions with his father. I believe that the relationship they had was one in which Lee learned a lot and relied on his father for guidance. Lee even describes wisdom as his father’s face in sleep. Personifying wisdom as his father tells me that this was one of the most important pieces of this father son relationship. I know that Lee’s relationship with his father is important from the lines, “I remember three things. One: A father’s love.” The first thing of only three things he remembers is his father’s love. I am sure that his father was the most important person in his life, and the relationship he had with him is very meaningful. Lee’s probably has many great memories of his giving him guidance and nurturing him. One sense I get from a line in the poem is that Lee is struggling without his father, and looks to him even though he is not around to help. Lee writes in his father’s voice, “Have you found your refuge yet? Asking, are you happy?” His father is there to make sure his son is happy and has found refuge. Also Lee’s father asks him if he has prayed, this gives me the feeling that his father was also an important piece of Lee’s religious life, often being there to remind Lee of his faith, and I’m sure to remind him of many other things that make him a good man. In the poem Lee questions whether or not it is his father speaking to him. He writes, “I know it’s only me reminding myself.” Even though Lee knows he is not actually speaking to his father, and the wind is not actually speaking to him, he still looks to his father for guidance. The wind is a way for him to feel more strongly his father’s presence.
    A few questions for Li-Young Lee. How do you get inspired to write a piece? When, how and why did you decide to dedicate your time to writing poetry?

    ReplyDelete

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